Quite proud of myself !

I've done the odd job through my gin soaked goggles.

I remember long ago when lying in the gutter, crawling under a car in the dark and freezing cold, never having the right tools, and dreading the words "special tool" in the Haynes manual, balancing an inspection lamp while trying to avoid greasy bits dropping in my eyes. I always dreamed of how much I'd enjoy working on cars in the proper conditions with the proper equipment.

The worst, most joyless job ever? Either the CV joints on a Mini [in the snow on Whitley Street which is a steep hill] or the front wheel bearings on a Chrysler 2Litre [in a cinema carpark in Slough in the rain].

These days I own several barns with electricity, I have pretty much any tool I want and can certainly get anything I don't have. The main barn has a booze fridge and a pool table, a couple of sofas and a TV. Nobody other than me, and on occasions No. 1, ever goes there, I can play the music as loud as I like since the nearest inhabitant is about a mile away. Exactly what I always dreamed of.

But now I don't ever seem to have the time.

Sad, that's what my life is, very sad.