Avant
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Post by Avant on Mar 23, 2020 16:06:30 GMT
Agreed - all the best to you and your father. I think all you can do is go along with whatever he wants to do. I'm not sure what I'd think if I were 85 and in that situation: it would probably be down to quality of life, which for me at least might well mean whichever option involves least physical pain.
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WDB
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Post by WDB on Mar 23, 2020 16:28:24 GMT
Bugger indeed! But, bizarre as it seems to be looking for benefits in a situation (or a pair of situations — personal and global) that nobody would ever choose, dumb luck and your wish to be with him for the surgery have put you on the spot and relieved you of the pull of home and business, for a while at least. So if what’s important to your dad is time with you that he can still enjoy, and one treatment option gives him that, you don’t have to feel torn or guilty about helping him to choose it. Amazing as it sounds, you might be able to conjure a win-win from this.
Wishing you well, whatever you decide.
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EspadaIII
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Post by EspadaIII on Mar 23, 2020 20:47:55 GMT
Thanks all for your thoughts. I have a cousin here who has been really amazing in getting in to the right doctors in quick time. He works in theraputic research and novel uses for established treatments. He has researched the alternative or supplement market for products which supposedly can relieve symptons caused by pancreatic cancer. Dad has more confidence in those than chemo, mainly because if they have any effectiveness at all, it will be without the pain of chemotherapy.
He had a pleasant evening tonight with his 'ladyfriend' who he has not seen for a few weeks and clearly is in a better mood than one would have thought. I think once life settles down he may be able to make a sensible decision in a few weeks and the oncologist said we did have some time to decide.
Time to keep him comfortable for the time being.
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WDB
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Post by WDB on Mar 23, 2020 22:21:51 GMT
...once life settles down... Something for us all to look forward to.
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Post by tyrednexited on Mar 23, 2020 22:28:05 GMT
...if and when it does, we'll probably have to arrange the long-postponed meet in a non-virtual pub somewhere. (Mind you, beer will probably be £25 per pint by then, so bags not my first round....... )
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Post by Humph on Mar 24, 2020 1:29:49 GMT
Dacias all round probably 😬
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Post by tyrednexited on Mar 24, 2020 9:39:27 GMT
....For starters....? (or non-starters)
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EspadaIII
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Post by EspadaIII on Mar 24, 2020 11:25:11 GMT
I am part of group of valuers who operate around the Greater Manchester conurbation. Our firms are competitors but we are also colleagues who help each other out with advice and sometimes tkae over a job when someone can't do it.
We have agreed to meet at the end of all this to get truly hammered in the 'surveyors pub' in Manchester city centre.
So I am happy to do it again with you lot. We will have gone through a great deal by the time this is over... And if my experience of our Captur is anything to go by and that of the Duster a friend drives over here, I think we will cope with Dacias all round...
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Post by Hofmeister on Mar 24, 2020 14:31:40 GMT
Espada, Sorry to hear about your father, I think your likely path going forward with your father is palliative care. Palliative care is a balancing act, the pain and distress in keeping someone alive, vs the joy of keeping a good quality of life for a period of time, chemo and radiotherepy for extensive cancer is very very unpleasant and debilitating. By all means explore "alternative" medicine, they provide a mental prop, but in truth, for advanced cancers they are medically ineffective. For obvious reasons its an area I looked into quite extensively. Its a bad time all round and yours is worse than most, but i'm pretty sure your family will be supportive, and back home the economy is as dead as a dead thing, so worry about it when there is something you can do about it. Currently you cant. So do stuff now that you can live with and not regret in the future, which i suspect is spending time with your father, and makeing the most of the limited time he has left.
good luck
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EspadaIII
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Post by EspadaIII on Mar 24, 2020 20:35:25 GMT
Thanks Hof. The more the virus situation develops, the more that going home is less vital other than to simply spend time with the family. We are missing each other and it is a desperately difficult time, but there is nothing for me to do at home businesswise that I can't do here. At least I have an excuse for doing it more slowly here!
Not that my marriage was in any danger, but I have no doubt that we would have throttled each other had we been forced to spend so much time together whereas I know that we genuinely do miss each other.
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WDB
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Post by WDB on Mar 24, 2020 20:49:48 GMT
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
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Avant
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Post by Avant on Mar 24, 2020 23:41:17 GMT
Nice one WDB. I can never take 'sambuca' seriously. It sounds like a self-made Yorkshireman: 'My name's Sam Booker'.
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EspadaIII
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Post by EspadaIII on Mar 25, 2020 5:54:24 GMT
Absence makes the fart go Honda.....
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Post by Hofmeister on Mar 25, 2020 9:30:06 GMT
Not that my marriage was in any danger, but I have no doubt that we would have throttled each other had we been forced to spend so much time together whereas I know that we genuinely do miss each other. My and her social diaries have been decimated* and are huge deserts of blank white space. So we have been thrust together (in a metaphorical sense you understand) in our largest period of 7 x 24 ever. Somehow its working well, better than I ever thought possible. Lots of things help, My new relaxed state of Zen, the weather (its been glorious here) the gin, and we are really enjoying our walks with the dog, long slow rambling jaunts in the sun, the air quality is improved HUGELY, the peace and quiet is astonishing and you can real hear nature in spring - its delightful. We both worked happily on our new 48 days later post apocalyptic veggie plot with the Robins darting in and out to plunder the plethora of worms 'n stuff I'm actually quite enjoying the whole Covid thing. The last time I drove on the M25 it was the emptiest I have seen since the night it was opened. * Anyone pipes up to mutter about roman legions or tenths gets a kick in the crotch. (Zen only goes so far)
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WDB
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Post by WDB on Mar 25, 2020 10:30:38 GMT
Absence makes the fart go Honda..... Now you're just being mean to a friend of ours.
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